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I have an unhealthy habit of joining online dating sites. I do it on the premise that it seems more logical to meet guys online than to meet them, say, in the produce aisle at Martins (“Hey, sugar, could you squeeze this melon and tell me if it’s ripe?”). So after the Rabbi incident this winter, I join OKCupid. It’s a real laid back free dating service, and, while it doesn’t have a huge population of decent men, I had high hopes.
Then I met the magician.
Yes, he was a real magician, wearing a tux, a top hat, and toting a magic wand in his profile picture. He thought that I was intoxicating and wanted to show me a few of his tricks. I wanted to pull a real quick disappearing act. First off, I am not alcohol, I do not want or intend to be intoxicating. Secondly, any man seriously carrying around a magic wand is too Harry Potter for this chica to handle.
Strrrrrrrrrrike One.
Along came the MySpace Incident. He’s from my hometown of next to nowhere. His picture was him in a pair of tighty-whiteys standing in front of a beat up pick up truck on a huge lift kit with a banjo in one hand and an automatic weapon in the other. He never contacted me. I never contacted him.
For more than obvious reasons, Strike Two.
Next up, the Mountie.
He’s only referred to as the Mountie because he’s from Canada. Very funny guy, great personality, good looking, etc. He drove down from Toronto to hang out for a weekend over winter. I haven’t heard from him since.
Strike Three, anyone?
Strike Four was Shady. (Refer to previous post for a good time).
Strike Five was a guy by the name of Spiffy. And that one I didn’t make up … entirely. He’s a blog within himself.
And, Strike Six … Well, Strike Six isn’t really a full strike. He’s more of a foul ball. He’s on the field, he’s just not in play. He’s also worthy of his own blog …
But there you have it kids … Six reasons not to use online dating sites – Magicians, Automatic Weapons, Canadians, Smallest Penis Ever, Spiffy’s Spiffyisms, and Foul Balls.
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